I Didn’t Know When I Woke Up

May 1 is a day for celebrating in this house.

I didn’t know, waking up, that I had just finished my last night of GREAT sleep for many, many years to come.

I didn’t know, getting ready for work, that the nursery I walked through would officially be HERS by the time I came home that evening.

I didn’t know, heading next door for a latte and a few minutes of blogging on my lunch break, that my phone was about to ring and my universe was about to shift.

I didn’t know that THIS would be the day I would buy a teeny, tiny, frilly dress… for MY baby. That I would dissolve into tears when the cashier asked if I needed a gift receipt. Because… FINALLY… I didn’t. It was mine. SHE was mine.

I didn’t know, as none of us ever do, what I was “in for.” I didn’t know the years of infertility heartbreak weren’t going to be magically erased the day the call came in, and that grief would be my lifelong companion. I didn’t fully understand that once the other two angles of the adoption triad gained names and faces and pieces of my heart – that I would feel their hurts as if they were mine. I didn’t know those years of pain were but a warmup for the years to come, the actual parenting, the endless appointment schedule, the desperate scrapping and fighting for answers and rights, for her place in this world, for MY place in this world.

I didn’t know how deeply I could love. I didn’t know how far I would become willing to go. I didn’t know, yet, just what a GIFT had been promised to me that day, May 1.

But it’s a day for celebrating, because it’s the day we began to learn.

We became Mom + Dad.

She became ours.

So, it’s flowers and the “special cookies box” from Aldi for me today. We celebrate Mother’s Day a week early around here. I’ll be honest, Regular Mother’s Day is a day for calling my own mom, and then napping and generally feeling “off,” like I just don’t fit. But THIS day – it’s the best. Everything fits, because it’s only about us. The two of us, the not-so-baby-anymore, and the gracious God who drew up the most perfect plan to bring us together.